A Note to My 25 Year Old Self

You don’t need to date the PE guy who went to Harvard, climbing the ranks to ultimately be a “VP” at a tier-three fund. You don’t need to settle for the tech bro who is launching his start-up and wants you to ‘slow down’ so he can prioritize his career. You certainly do not need to be with the older billionaire CEO who has issues down south because he has crossed 60. No, you can wait for Mr. Right, but freeze your eggs. You see when you’re 25, ambitious, hungry, hoping that you can grasp just even a sliver of the American dream, the only thing you can see in front of your face is how to get yourself to the front of the rat race, to position yourself for that next promotion, to be the top choice to fly to Singapore with your CEO, to get that life-changing career opportunity. You want those accolades, just like your male counterparts, but they don’t have to think about their biological clock. They just have to clock in.

Is it unfair or is current society set up for ambitious women to fail? You see, we can’t change our brains or our desires for more. If you’re smart or you enjoy working, you can’t just ‘turn off’ your brain when someone asks why you work so hard, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to have a family, you just don’t want to slow down during your most critical work years.

After selling my first company, everyone asked why I would ever work again. You’re pretty, they said. Young, they said. You should just get remarried and have kids, ‘settle down.’ As a self-made millionaire, I wouldn’t change my success for the world. It has opened doors to rooms I never thought I’d be in and exposed me to a world I never even knew existed. It’s exciting. It’s engaging and I belong in those rooms vs the laundry room. Let’s be honest, I could never even fold a fitted sheet. I’ve contributed to society in so many ways, created more jobs for the economy than I ever could have aspired to, but there’s still that chip when people ask why aren’t you married with a family? You need to pass along those genes, those eyes, they say.

My first husband chose to tell me after we got married that he didn’t see himself being married to someone so successful. That I should consider traveling less and spending more nights in. Sure, if he made close to even a quarter of what I made, I’d potentially entertain the conversation, but even then, it wouldn’t have mattered. I like to be in the game, not on the sidelines: closing deals, attracting top talent, inspiring our next generation of ambitious women. I’ve both employed and spoken with countless women who have every Ivy league, law school and doctorate degree, but are at home folding laundry. In some situations, their husbands made Partner and voiced that they shouldn’t be the ones to stay home with the kids. I saw firsthand how Covid set our generation of women back decades. We were the ones who homeschooled the kids, not our husbands, even if we made the same or more. Why? Our husbands and society told us that that’s what we should be doing. Slowly but surely the coffee mugs fill-up with wine, we lose the sparkle in our eyes, and roam from room to room lost without our identities. It’s fine we tell ourselves, except for it’s not.

What if women took control of their fertility? What if women said: I can have it all, at a timing that makes sense for me? What if more women shared their stories? And not the ones of us crying, but the vulnerable, naked truth that they wanted more, that they wanted to travel the world but someone held them back.

I know my mom wanted more. She’s in her 60s now, an empty nester, and just acquired her first company, completed her Series 7 and 63, expanded her investment services. She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, but during the most critical years of her career was home with a controlling husband. That’s the way things were, but that’s not the way things have to stay.

With advances in healthcare, women have the power of choice. For the first time, we can have it all: a career and a family. It’s clear with what’s going on in our country that we need more smart women to have more children. We’re currently faced with the lowest birthrate we’ve ever had in the history of the U.S. and rising infertility rates. What’s happening now cannot continue. The optimal time to freeze your eggs is 26 - 32. I wish someone had told me that when I was 25 because I would have done that 3x over versus waiting until I was 35, not too late, but suboptimal and I need to do more cycles so it’s three times more expensive.

To the younger me, invest in your option to have a family. It’s worth more than any brunch, handbag or trip will ever be.

Jessica Schaefer, Founder & CEO of Lushi. Exited founder of 8-figure revenue PR firm. Alum of Point72, Acorns and Moody’s.